I've been at a point in my life for the past few years where nothing has been going the way I planned it.
Three years ago, the future I envisioned for myself was to go to a local 4-year college to pursue a degree in theater, and act for the rest of my life. Two years ago, the future I envisioned for myself was to be attending a college out of state working on a 4-year mass media communications degree. I was still going to be good friends with everyone I was good friends with, act as a hobby, and just enjoy my life. That changed two summers ago when it became apparent that I couldn't afford to go to college the regular way, so I stayed and I'm now pursuing an associate's degree at a community college. I rarely act unless it's for my own personal projects. Last year, I was supposed to become an amazing bass player who could just lay down the deep and gritty rhythms like you couldn't believe. I was supposed to continue growing as a youth leader at my church and be a role model or something. I was supposed to continue to help teach acting. I was supposed to keep sign dancing and selling donuts and maybe someday get enough money to move out and be an adult.
Then, in about the span of four months, every single plan I had ever conceived of completely imploded.
I left the donut shop and took up a manual labor job. I realized I was more naturally talented playing drums than I was playing bass. I found myself being called to go to another church and help with the youth. I finally forgave people who had hurt me deeply (not in person, due to circumstances, but in my heart). I have found the capability to do great things. I'm discovering my talents and my passions. I grew a beard. So much maturing happened, and it happened unbelievably quick.
But there still remains one issue: I have no idea what's next.
I know what I love and what I want, but I don't know how to get there. I know my goals are to love and follow Jesus and continually mature in Him, but I don't know where He's taking me.
And that's okay.
I'm sitting here thinking about two years ago compared to today. I have different passions, different friendships, different academical goals, a different church, different skills, different everything. And I couldn't be happier.
There are days where I sit down and feel stressed about everything that's changed and everything that hasn't even begun yet. I sit under the looming umbrella of graduating community college next semester and deciding what's next. And I'm okay with that.
This is my trust fall with Jesus. I'm falling up into this unknown abyss of my future and I have to trust that Jesus is gonna catch me. I have been and will continue to get a little banged up as I fall, but that's okay. It's not my time to reach out and try to grab another solution. In my future, there is only one solution: trust. Trust that Jesus has got my back, trust that He has planned my future and made it so much greater than anything I could have ever imagined.
Do you think that sounds crazy? So did I last year. But let me tell you, 8 months into releasing my grasp on my own selfish plans and accepting that I'll never really know what's going to happen next and just walking with Jesus, I don't regret a second I've spent doing it.
And I never will.
